Saying goodbye

On Saturday February 11th my grandma (dad's mom) passed away. This was very hard for me because she was my last living grandparent. I am lucky because I still have stepgrandparents, but it's still very hard. I was very close with my little grandma...we talked on the phone at least once a week until about a year ago. I knew she was sick, in fact she was in hospice for the last week of life. Losing a grandparent is very hard because you miss them terribly, but it's also very hard to watch the toll it puts on your parents. Times like these make me so glad Madelyn has a sibling now so she doesn't have to go through this alone someday (like I will have to). I really needed to head back to Ohio to say my goodbyes. Flights were outrageously expensive and I wasn't up for the long car ride with the whole family, so Carson and I flew while Madelyn and Andy stayed in Charlotte. It was Carson's first plane ride and he did awesome! It was quite an experience as he had a diaper blowout on the first flight (Charlotte to Atlanta), I'm talking poop all the way up his back and into his hair. I basically had to strip him down and bathe him in the bathroom of the Atlanta airport. I was very grateful to have the beco on this trip because I wore Carson and toted my luggage as a carry on and didn't have to worry about a stroller or other cumbersome junk. We talked to Madelyn on the phone each night and she was having a lot of fun doing daddy/daughter things all week. It was my first time ever going a whole day without seeing her and it was tough. I missed her very much. Carson got to meet a lot of people he hadn't met yet and that was the good that came from this situation. I also got some time with family and even lunch with a good friend.
Madelyn~ Potty training is back on track now that I have introduced her to the annoying potty dance video on you tube. She only gets to watch it after she uses the potty but that has brought the excitement back and things are going well again. Her top two second molars cut through yesterday so she officially has all of her baby teeth now! I recently became addicted to Pintrest and am excited about a toddler chore chart I found on there and plan on starting with her soon. She is becoming such a big girl and it is very bittersweet. I still find time to hold her and cuddle her and let her know that she means the world to us.
Carson~ I think he is one of the happiest babies ever. He smiles all the time,even just seeing a ceiling fan makes him smile. He has been learning the art of conversation by making noises back as we talk to him. His routine was off while we were out of town, but we are back in it now and doing great! He knows when I start taking his clothes off at night that it's bath time and he gets so excited it's adorable. He sits calmly and happy in his bath and really seems to love it. Then we sing with Scout while he gets lotioned and jammies on, followed by a book and bed. He has been sleeping really well in his cosleeper the past few nights and I am hoping that continues. I never understood cosleeping before but I have learned that for breastfeeding at night it makes life so much easier and leaves sleep much less interrupted. During the day he spends a lot of time laying on a blanket on the floor kicking around because that is what makes him happy.  I love all the new things he is doing but my tiny little newborn is gone and it makes me sad. I am getting closer and closer to my return to work and it makes me just want to snuggle both my babies and not let them go.
I listened to a song last night that I have heard many times but it made me so teary, I thought I'd include the lyrics in this post:

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder that I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up
Oh, don't you ever grow up
Oh, never grow up, just never grow up